He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize