I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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