Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
