Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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