You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
