he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
