I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
