I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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