a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
