i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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