I wish I could punch you in the face.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
