I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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