we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
