This dress was meant to end up on your floor
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
