I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
