I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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