I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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