I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
