...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
false alarm, still single
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