he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
