So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
