Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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