I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize