She said her name was "party"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
