hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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