The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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