Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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