I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
