you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
