we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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