Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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