another moral hangover. fuck.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
