we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
