his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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