You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
