Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
