but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
