my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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