what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
