and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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