he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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