the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
