i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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