Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
