He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I could make wine with my vomit
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
