Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
