WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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