If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
