Can i not drive my cunt home
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I would fuck him just for his dog
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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