We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
