Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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