so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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