He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
