I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
