Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
