Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
