ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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