it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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