with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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