Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
