Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
