he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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