just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
