this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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