3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
