you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize