Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
