it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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